New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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