So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You are a genius and a whore.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
