Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
