He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
