Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
