Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
