Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You're like the curious george of whores
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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