I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
