He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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