dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
