I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize