There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
