feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
