Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
