He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
