a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
