I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
