i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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