he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
