ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
