I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
