i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
