Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
