happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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