it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
