the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
