Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
