I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
