Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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