I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
