Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize