I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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