I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
