Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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