Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
