either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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