I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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