do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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