Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
