summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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