Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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