Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
