apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
