The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Randomize
