This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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