I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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