I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
No subtext here. People are naked.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
