Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
