you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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