Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
