the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
