Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
