he shaved USA in his pubs
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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