I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Ladies don't puke and tell
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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