Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
