We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
