why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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