i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
