Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
