Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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