i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize