i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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