I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
