dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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