Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
