So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
