All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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