i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
