i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize