he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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