dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
