about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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